The Clerb-List: My Favorite Tic Tok Stand-Up
My review of Lucas Zelnick, live.
Even I am surprised I like Lucas Zelnick. He, and like Chris Evans, are the only people who engage whatever straight brain cells are floating around, leftover from middle school1. Coventionally attractive and very good at his job, that’s husband material (I am scared of men).
I have followed Lucas for a while now, maybe a year and a half2. He had been in Boston before, but I never had the chance to get tickets. Luckily, he is currently on his 2024 Tour, and I was able to see him at Laugh Boston, in the Seaport3.
For transparency, the tickets were $35, and I paid $45 for a sick camo shirt. He donates the tips from the merch to his opener, which is sweet, so I tipped well.
Before I even got to the opener, I was dropped off at the Seaport Westin, and greeted by about 15 small dancers, full sprint-dancing around. They were all competition-ready, either in costume or with warm-up jackets on. I had trauma flashbacks to dance as a kid and sprinted to the check-in desk to ask where the bathroom was. After calming down and putting a lip combo on it was time to go in, early as hell, so I could get good general admission seats4.
A few things I noticed before the show started: at least some of the waitstaff is only there to see comedy shows5, over-eager white women sat in the front row6, and there were people playing Heads Up on an iPhone while waiting7. Also, before the show started they played these compilation videos that were like Tic Tok edits (horizontal, though8) about comedy and Boston. It would be like an SNL clip, then an aerial drone shot of the Charles River, then an old Vine, then a video of Big Papi hitting a home run, you get the idea. I was like, you don’t have to convince me of liking comedy and Boston, I have seen all of these things already. But onto the show:
The host, Carolina Montesquieu, absolutely crushed before the white boys came and ruined the fun, Boston, black girl energy. The fact that I was sitting across from one of the only other black people in attendance made it even better. She was so confident on stage and it was a cool surprise to see one of my own up there, not just, y’know9.
Lucas’ opener is his BFF/podcast co-host/another straight white male stand-up, Jamie Wolf. I liked his set a lot. He talked about anxiety which was very funny and I related to. He did a physical comedy bit about skydiving; I am unsure if he has seen someone skydive, but there is significantly less arm movement than he was doing. Overall, he was a great opener, I am happy for him- that he gets to tour with his friend for a living, that is an awesome gig.
Lucas time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Usually, I set my expectations for everything low, but I think since I have seen so much content of him performing, my expectations were high. Luckily, he absolutely shattered my expectations, mainly by way of talking about his sex life10. He said something that made me react with “Right in front of my salad”/ “And you did it at my birthday dinner”. I had a good vantage point of the crowd so it was nice to be able to see the people he talked to for crowdwork. There was an older gentleman named John and his slightly younger wife, who did not know what was coming for them. I liked being on the inside of the joke, knowing how crowd work goes, and knowing he was going to keep pushing them. But later he explained how he does crowd work so well (like why it works) which felt a bit like a magician revealing his secrets. My favorite joke was, poorly paraphrased, that the gays were stealing Carhartt from the conservatives. I was sitting in my seat with my Carhartt jacket slung over the back, quivering in my little lesbian boots11. He also talked with a nice, young girl named Harper and called her two moms a “lesbian freak family”. I cannot wait to have my own lesbian freak family one day; hopefully with fewer issues than Harper’s12. The show was over shortly after that.
I sprinted out because I wanted to be the first in line for merch. I wanted a shirt so bad. It is a ‘real tree’/ ‘mossy oak’ camo, and it has all the tour dates on the back. I’m obsessed. I also got to meet Lucas, which was very cool. I told him how big of a fan I was and everything.
Carolina took the photo, which I questioned- get someone else to take the photos, this girl is busy. She did call me photogenic, and then Lucas called me beautiful, but I think he just felt obliged to compliment me. He was very sweet.
I had a really fun time and I would recommend his show to any college students, self-hating liberals, or closeted bisexual rich white men from New York with stand-up careers13. I don’t know if I will go to stand-up shows of people I don’t already like. I enjoyed the security of paying for something I had already seen and liked.
The Official Clerb-List Review: ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ (5/5 Stars) | Lucas Zelnick is horses.
Shout out, Will… I mean TJ (this is not transphobia, just a random nickname change, I don’t have time to explain).
Possibly more, I am not sure when he started going viral, but it was then.
Fun Fact: The seaport is actively falling into the ocean and being overtaken by rising sea levels due to climate change. Shout out to Lauren my ecology professor who brought us to Long Wharf and explained how it would be underwater in 20 years.
BROKIEEEE
Nothing wrong with it but #doyourjob, y’know.
They wanted to fuck him for real, I was kidding about that.
I need someone else to tell me how I feel about this because I do not know.
Bruh, a video??
*points to palm of hand*
The lesbian jumped RIGHT back out. I said, “girl I do not want to hear about what goes on in your bed or with your penis” (this is all in my head I would never say this to him, I am scared of men).
I wear white Air Force 1’s every day like a basic bitch.
Genuinely only people who were at the show will know. Unless he posts it I guess. But I was vague about it for a reason so I don’t even know if he will.
I say it about all straight men, but I’m telling you, he gives ‘tried once and didn’t hate it’ energy. (LMAOOOOO, Lucas if you see this whatever sexuality you are is valid)